Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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