I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
