Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
