I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
