First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
