I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
