i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
