i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
