watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
