we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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