Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
