Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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