Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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