Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
