I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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