those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
