absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
