If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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