we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
