Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
