i jhust puked up my retainher.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
