So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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