Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
