Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
