I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
