um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
