just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
