apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
