i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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