there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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