Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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