I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
