Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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