if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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