His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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