happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh god it's open bar.
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