Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
