you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
