i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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