I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
