I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
