we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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