I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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