Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
