Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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