Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
