I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
