Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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