I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
