ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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